In honor of this, That's Psych! will focus on Parenting Styles for the month of June.
Psychologists usually evaluate parenting based on three dimensions: Warmth; Control; and Involvement. Warmth has to do with how much parents express the love that they feel for their children. This love can be expressed through praising children when they do something well, hugs and kisses, saying, "I love you," and keeping things positive around the kids - shielding them from the ups and downs of the adults' own lives. If parents frequently do these things, they are getting it right! These parents would be considered to be High in Warmth.
On the other hand, parents who are Low in Warmth, may love their children, but they do not show it very much. Instead they may appear stern, they are not very affectionate and rarely say "I love you," and if they have a bad day, they take it out on their kids by being grumpy around them.
Control has to do with discipline: does the parent have rules and, if those rules are broken, is there some kind of consequence? The parents who get it right, are considered to be Medium in Control. This means that they have rules, but these are age-appropriate and sensible. It also means that when these rules are broken, there is some sort of consequence, but this punishment is also age-appropriate and sensible. These parents are really interested in teaching children the moral, or the reason, behind the rules. For example, you don't hit people because it is not okay to hurt others.
In contrast, parents who are High in Control have too many rules and they often expect their children to behave as if they are older than they really are. If expectations are too high, it means that the kids will often fail at following these rules; a parent who is High in Control also gives very harsh punishment as a consequence. These parents are really interested in their children obeying authority: it does not matter why there is a rule, if an adult tells you to do something you must do it.
We can also find parents who are very Low in Control. These parents either don't have rules or have very few rules for their children. It may be that they don't expect enough from their children as they grow up. If a rule is broken, these parents rarely have consequences for their children, or the punishment is so light that it has little effect. These parents aren't interested in playing a role in shaping their children's behavior by teaching right from wrong.
In addition to Warmth and Control, parents can also differ in the amount of Involvement that they have in their children's lives. Parents who are High in Involvement really know their children: they know what is happening in their daily lives and in their inner lives. For example, a parent who is High in Involvement would know the names of the child's friends and teachers, the child's favorite and most despised foods, and what scares the child the most. These parents spend quality time with their children and, just like Involvement, usually get Warmth and Control right.
A parent who is Low in Involvement would not know the details of the child's daily life or emotional life. Often these parents spend little quality time with their children, and are likely to show problems with Warmth and Control.
In the next four blog posts, we'll feature the different types of parents and how they stack up on Warmth, Control, and by association, Involvement. Parenting styles are in fashion this June!
Further Reading:
Want some ideas about showing High Warmth to your kids? The Baby Center has ideas for young children and Psychology Today has ideas for teens.
The American Academy of Pediatrics has a website for parents: healthychildren.org . Look here for good suggestions about discipline and how to be Medium in Control.
Related to Involvement, here is an article from The Daily Telegraph that includes 25 questions to ask your children.
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